Nigerian Lawyer Speaks on the Struggles of Submission in Marriage

Ilavbare Rahmatulai, a Nigerian lawyer, has sparked conversations on social media by addressing the complexities of submission in marriage. Rahmatulai, who describes herself as a Muslim, mother, grandmother, attorney, chartered mediator, and conciliator, took to Facebook on October 2, 2024, to express her views on why some women struggle with submission in marriage.

Challenges of Submission in a Difficult Marriage

In her post, Rahmatulai highlighted three key factors that prevent women from being submissive in their marriages. According to her, a woman cannot submit to her husband if she is married to a disrespectful and inconsiderate man. This lack of respect in the relationship makes it difficult for a woman to feel valued or cherished, which is essential for submission to occur naturally.

The Unappreciated Breadwinner

Rahmatulai also pointed out the challenges faced by women who are the primary breadwinners in their households, yet remain unappreciated. When a woman is financially supporting the family but feels unrecognized or unvalued for her contributions, it creates resentment. This dynamic, she suggests, can hinder a woman’s willingness to submit to her spouse.

The Impact of Intimacy on Submission

Another significant factor Rahmatulai discussed is the issue of being “s@x starved.” In her view, physical intimacy plays a vital role in fostering emotional connection and submission in marriage. When a woman is deprived of this important aspect of her relationship, it further complicates her ability to be submissive.

Submission Comes Naturally with a Good Man

Despite these challenges, Rahmatulai believes that submission is a natural response for women who are married to respectful, considerate men, regardless of their financial status. She emphasizes that when a man treats his wife with kindness and respect, submission becomes effortless.

Broader Discussion on Marriage and Gender Roles

Rahmatulai’s statement reflects a broader discourse on marriage, gender roles, and the evolving dynamics of relationships. Her post has sparked reactions and debate, particularly around the expectations placed on women to be submissive in their marriages, even in difficult circumstances.